i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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