I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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