THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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