i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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