My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
