my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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