from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
