did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
