You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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