nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
