What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
