Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
