I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
