he wants to bone in the snuggie
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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