Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
