If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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