very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
