I just saw a hot homeless man
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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