Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm both gender and math confused
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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