omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
