Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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