First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
