i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
