I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
