Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
