Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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