he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
