Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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