mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
