yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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