I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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