Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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