the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
