you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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