I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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