:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
