Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He did a backflip because drugs
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize