Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
