are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
