no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
