So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
