made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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