I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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