i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize