OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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