go do what you do best...puke behind churches
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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