i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
this hospital has no fireball
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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