Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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