Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
