I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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