what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize