I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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