its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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