This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
