Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
