So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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