i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
