Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
