she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
