you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
