you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
try to milk me bitch
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