i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
