he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
