Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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