Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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