dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
