Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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