And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
