I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
