my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
