I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
