I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
