I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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