And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
